Mercury, Venus, and Saturn align with the Pyramids of Giza for the first time in 2,737 years on December 3, 2012
That I created a name for myself. When I was younger I always wanted to be known for something. I was always serious about acting. And I just loved having the attention of everyone. A long talk tonight made me realize that after 5 years, I am a well known, one-of-a-kind girl. Whether you hate me or love me, whether you talk shit about me or talk good about m, you most likely know me. After I was raped, I became very depressed and lashed out on a lot of people. I did risky as shit things that most 14 year olds wouldn’t do. But as I started doing so, I found out how amazing it felt to be recognized as such a unique personality. It may have been from the actual rape, from the first guy I fell in love with, my parents divorce. It may have been all or one of them, or the other obstacles I’ve gone through in life. But I started seeing that I was a very well known person to people. It didn’t take days and days of planning, but I started figuring out how to be more and more unique. And from experimenting with everything to drugs, fashion, music, behavior, hobbies, I actually started learning how to lead. It took lots of trial and error, and a good loss of relationships. But eventually I found my way to possessing that ‘one-of-a-kind’ persona. Nowadays I’m most well known for being that freshman that fucked on the catwalks of my school auditorium, the 18 year that got arrested for a DUI and went to North Avenue jail, the drugged up, EDM loving, sex freak. Or most likely that carefree and wild spirit. I believe this all was just the result of actually taking a risk once in a while. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone and really experimenting with what life can hold. The only regret I may have is being a better friend to certain people, but in a way that brought me closer to those people and created a better understanding of each other. It just comes to show that with a little acknowledgement, and a good push, you can become whoever you want. You can make people perceive you just the way you want them to. Along with that will come the absolutely ridiculous and false rumors, but that will just add to the excitement of who you are, as long as you know what’s true to you.
One big thing I want from now on, though, is simply to be a good friend. Someone that people can look to for advice and loyalty. It still is a trial and error to me, but I’m trying to work on that. As cocky as it may sound, I have become something close of a mentor to my friends. Only in the sense that I see a lot of people around me, are uncertain about specific aspects of their life. And I want to be there for them in order to give them that knowledge from a completely unbiased and honest opinion. A lot of things I went through in life, I went through to an extreme extent. Drugs, relationships, family, fitness, school, the law, partying, friends, etc.. All I want is to guide my friends down the right road and let them have a shoulder to lean on. My mistakes have honestly been the best teachers. And I’m not talking your typical college professor, I’m talking some Einstein shit. I read a letter from one of my old friends and in the letter she stated, ‘You’ve taught me a lot about life, friends, boys and I cant believe I lived 2 years without you…I cant imagine what my life would be like had you not swooped in and saved me.” actually seeing my efforts as a friend become successful means the world to me. All I want is to see my friends go far in life, with full knowledge and confidence in whatever their doing. One of my favorite relationships is Kim. We’ve known each other since April, she’s 3 years my senior, but she looks up to me with the love of a sister. (And I owe my life to her since I crashed her car.) I literally love this girl unconditionally, and all I want is simply the best for her. She’ll come to me with anything. She won’t ever take anyone’s word except for mine. And it feels incredible to have that effect on someone. I love my friends and I don’t want to see anymore relationships crumble. I just want to be someone that people look up to, only in the sense of my experience’s, and the lessons I’ve learned.
All in all, I love the person I’ve become. All the things I’ve experienced make me 100% satisfied with my life so far, at only 18. It only makes me excited for what’s to come in my future and where my abilities will take me. The people I’ve come across though, especially make me happy. At this point in my life, I’m able to get along with anyone. Whether they are 16 or 27, I have created a long and diverse list of friends. Another group of people I have to acknowledge, is the boys I’ve loved. Andrew, Joe and most of all, Brandon. They showed me so much about life, and really opened my eyes to what kind of a person I actually am. I couldn’t thank them enough for what each of them has done for me.
This was basically a little message for any of you that had the time of day to read, just to say that life really can be amazing for you, just as long as you put yourself out there enough, you can do anything.